


Not Good At Words (Just So You Know)

by gcf_busan



Category: K-pop, jikook - Fandom, kookmin - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Reality, Conversations, Cute Min Yoongi | Suga, Dialogue-Only, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Real Events, Jeon Jungkook is Bad at Feelings, Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin-centric, M/M, Mild Language, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV First Person, Sad Park Jimin (BTS), Scared Jeon Jungkook, Their Love Is So, Why Did I Write This?, aight imma shut tf up now this is getting ridiculously long, and hobi is his bf but it ISN'T mentioned here jsjjwjs, basically i put that tag coz yoongi's always cute, but at least tata got to be a real hooman here :), hobi and tae wasn't mentioned here i'm sorry :(, implied kissing!!¿!, jikook - Freeform, kookmin, mentioned Pre-Debut Bangtan Boys | BTS, mentioned few bts songs bc i can, wait nah not really- well idk u go read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26547289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gcf_busan/pseuds/gcf_busan
Summary: “If there's one person whom I feel sorry for the most, it's Jimin-ssi. Hyung, have I told you this yet?”“W-what?”“That rainy day...”
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin, Min Yoongi | Suga & Park Jimin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7
Collections: Quote Prompt Memes





	Not Good At Words (Just So You Know)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my kimi](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+kimi).
  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [quoteonlyprompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/quoteonlyprompts) collection. 



> a few things before you read! u know, to avoid confusion idk
> 
> • **_(jimin's/jungkook's thoughts)_**  
>  • | taxi driver |  
> • < the rest of BTS >
> 
> bts songs lyrics appearance _(in order):_ [we are bulletproof pt.2](http://youtu.be/lE9lkSdtZeQ), [love is not over](http://youtu.be/gCBPBkAnz9o), [butterfly](http://youtu.be/Z4o7-6cFUF8)
> 
> sooo yep, thanks for wasting ur time u may now go read and waste ur time some more ily

**_"The name: Jungkook; my scale: nationwide,_ **  
**_I pulled all-nighters at practice rooms instead of school — dancing and singing,_ **  
**_While you guys partied, I gave up my sleep for my dreams;_ **  
**_I spent all night holding a pen, letting my eyes close only after the morning sun rises,_ **  
**_My limits got broken with all of the double standards and many oppositions, yet I got lucky and was contacted by an agency;_ **  
**_All of you who are called rappers because you can’t sing,_ **  
**_the rapper title is an extravagance for you.---"_ **

"Wow... Jungkookie!!! W-was that you?!? Was that really you, j-just now? Wah, I- I didn't knew you could rap so great!!"

"---What- Jimin... hyung. Hyung, what are you... doing _here?_ "

"Uh, well... Kook-ah, you know damn well how my day-offs literally go along with 'super boring', so... uh... yeah. Got bored as hell, went over to your apartment just so I could have someone with me to get bored with **_(I'll never tell you how much I've missed you, though.)_** , neighbour said you weren't in, and studio's only a few blocks walk from there, so. I kind of gave a few snacks for the manager-nims just now, though, since I know they're here — they're always working so hard, and so I–"

"Hyung."

"Hehe, alright, alright. I'm sorry if I accidentally walked in here... I really am. Hehe. But... I had no idea, Kookie, I swear. I didn't know you'd be here, and I sure didn't know that you could actually rap really good; I'm at awe, Jungkookie...

_could hyung stay here for a while?_

I really, really want to listen to your rap more. Please, please, _please, Kkyu_ , I wanna hear you rapping—"

"Jimin-- hyung, jeez, s-stop— Get off me, get- _aish_ , okay! Okay! Aish, _why are you even so persistent..._ pff. Okay.

Ugh... here. Go listen to this; it's one of my drafts. 'Can't hide it from you now."

"Wah, Kookie, this is just... I'm really speechless. My Jeon Jungkook can rap. Wah... what, stop giving me that face. I said what I said, _My Jeon Jungkoo_ \- agh! Haha, you truly are the golden maknae; I cannot believe this. Is there even anything about you that is not, like, amazing, or exceptional, because- I don't know, I really don't know anymore... right now, my mind's totally _ka-poof_. Blown."

"I can't believe you, Jimin-ssi; just what the hell are you blabbering–"

" _I'm trying to tell you that you're going to be as gold as your future._ "

" **What the–** oh, please, Park Jimin-ssi, for the life of God actor Kim Seokjin knows who—we are so **not** going to have this right now--!

Plus... those verses were left in the drafts for a reason, anyway. 'Wasn't actually planning on focusing on it. To be honest, I think it might be better if I'd just leave it hidden there, you know.  
Well, who knows, maybe one day I'd decide I'll just dump it on the trash-- ouch!

What...?"

" **Jungkook.**

_Why?_

This... the way you... rapped those verses, the way I heard your unique voice blended so well with the beat, the way I listened to and watched you from that door just a few minutes ago — grooving along with smug aura all over you while you make all these super cool-- gestures and expressions, Jungkook... this is something you simply just don't hide. It deserves to be heard more. This is one of your many ambitious passion — how can someone like you hide it? Really, Kook, I'm saying you should go after this! This is–"

"Okay, hyung... listen. _First_ , I am still not that comfortable with my voice, and listening to how my voice sounds when I rap; _second,_ I'm going to feel really uncomfortable if people... specially, if our fans knew that I'm still not that confident for myself. I'd be screwed, hyung. And third, I... really, I– I don't even know for sure... I don't even wanna know if anyone would actually like this, or support me in this. Me, rapping, I don't know, hyungie. I wanna try rapping so bad, but don't wanna. I don't know."

"Well... uh... now, how should I say this...—"

"What is it, hyung?"

"Okay- listen. _First_ — ow--! **Jungkook, I swear, if you hit me some more.** I'm your **_hyung_** , and I'm being serious here–"

"You don't mimic me if you really are serious, hyung, so _no,_ you aren't~ _no,_ you aren't serious~~ _nope-_ "

"Hey, stop that. Really, Kook. Will you stop-- Just... hear me out this time, okay?

First off... you know how I mean everything I say to you, right, Kook? and... no, can you not- don't make that face because it wasn't meant to sound cheesy, douche.

You may not be comfortable listening to your voice — to how you rap — as of the moment, and I know it's only because you feel bad for yourself for sounding like an amateur. But for me, I...

I don't mind listening to you, though.

_**(You know, I can listen to you just mindlessly singing or rapping even for a whole day, and I'd still adore you.)** _

I really don't. Amateur or not, you are the best, **_(Damn.)_** and I said what I've said. If you're too uncomfortable if our fans begin to find out that under the golden maknae stint is just an adorable, frustrated baby bunny--"

"Hyung! Stop calling me b-baby bunny!!"

"--who's still quite unsure of himself, then you could at least try being at ease with me... here. Jungkook, I'm here. Maybe just as your friend, _**(maybe as a stranger, maybe as something else)**_ but, you know, _I'm here._

_Always gonna be._

And lastly, you should know; you should know for sure, and you must always remember this — that if this is what you truly want, if this is one of the things you've always wanted to do, to become, then you would be that someone who won't just toss their dream aside but actually start putting it into practice. And... even when that time comes, the time when you can no longer hear undoubtingness in your voice, Jungkook, I will still be there with you as your biggest supporter.

**_(I will still be, and always will be, with you... forever.)_ **

Whenever I'd hear you rap, I'd still go, "Wow, Jungkookie!!! Wah, was that you?!?~" all the same. I'd still be cheering for you the same, and--  
hey...

 _are you still listening to me?_ "

"Y-yeah... yeah, of course, hyung. It's just- I just– _ugh, hyung..._ I don't know, and- still don't know by now, but...  
t-thank you, I guess?

Thanks a lot, Jimin-hyung. I think I really need to- gotta figure this stuff out, you know. If it can work out, if what I believe I want to become is really for me. But after hearing your words just now, I... I think it could turn out great.

Yeah. It will. Right, Jimin-ssi?

I can make it."

"Of course it will. Just... do whatever you want, you know. The path's never going to be that easy, but knowing you... I'm sure that you'll always make it through.

**_(and I'm here for you.)_ **

My Jungkookie."

"Psh, yeah... sure... whatever, hyung. Anyways, thank you, Jimin, for today.

**_(Not just for today, hyung, but for always being here for me whenever I needed you. Everything you do for me... I appreciate it all.)_ **

Thank you, really. As a gift, here — haha, go listen to some more from my not-so-hidden-anymore drafts. Just promise me you won't tell the hyungs yet about this, though."

"Ughhh, my Jungkookie's voice is really aaaawesomeee— _what do you want???_ Don't disturb me; I'm busy listening–"

" **Promise me. You won't tell the hyungs. Yet. About. This.** "

"Sheesh... they'll all gonna find out about this eventually, anyway. So why– okay, _okay_ , Jungkook! Haha, okaaayy. I promise."

**_(I promise I'll always be here, to watch you stay gold, while you do all the really cool things that you want to do.)_ **

"Good. See? That wasn't so difficult."

**_(I just hope that I'll make it right through all this... with you.)_ **

* * *

"Jiminie~"

"What... I'm your hyung?"

"Hehe. Just tried poking your bubble, _Jiminie~_ hyung."

"Go pester your other hyungs, Kkyu. I'm _tired._ "

"I know you're tired, hyung, 'cause I wouldn't be here if you weren't... y'know. I came here to be yooour enerrrgyyyy~"

**_(But the Jimin I know doesn't do 'tired'... especially when it's about me.)_ **

"Ah, well... thanks then, cute fairy, but I'd rather rest."

"My Jimin-hyungie. Is there something wrong?"

**_(There is something wrong.)_ **

"Stop."

"Wh... stop what—"

" _Stop,_ Jungkook. Just... you can't just do this to _me,_ you know?"

"Hyung...?"

"Jungkook, you can't just... walk up to me and claim to be the kind energy-boosting fairy that you say you are when earlier, you literally ranked me last as good-looking, it's just... _too much._

It breaks my heart."

"Well, if that's the case, then it now makes perfect sense, hyung! I kind of know that you'd sulk over small stuffs like that so that's why I went to look out for you here...

hyung...? Wait, w-where are you going—"

"Getting some air, don't mind me. Go spend your time on something else."

"Hyung, I... _I'm sorry-_ "

"Oh, and maybe on my way out of here, I'll try to convince myself that this really is just small stuff. Nothing too personal, especially when it's _you_ who ranked me last. Tell me, _Jungkook._ I'm that ugly for you? Haha."

"B-but Jimin-hyung– you know that's not what I meant, right? You know I was just joking around. I swear- wait, hyung, please don't leave. I-"

"Jungkook, it's fine. Stop rambling, it's just _small stuff,_ no worries. I'll go get some air outside.

Oh, and please, don't even bother following me. **_(Please don't...)_**

**_(I know you won't.)_ **

Be back here later."

* * *

"Hey, Jungkookie... you busy?"

"Uh, yeah. What do you think?"

" _What?_ "

"Hehe. I'm kidding, hyung. Look, I'm just playing with my phone- Come! Sit _here._ "

"No, that's your space there anyway. And actually, I'm leaving, so... yeah, no."

"What did you came here for then, hyung?"

"I was just thinking about asking you something, but uh... nevermind. Just have fun with whatever game that is that got you hooked for hours there, I'll be going now-

Jungkook, what are you... doing?"

"Putting your bags down, _hyung,_ duh. And making you sit riiiight-- here. **_(Don't go home just yet, I'll miss seeing you around here.)_** So now, go. Ask me. And don't laugh, it's making me uneasy, I- I can't stand that bothered look all over your face, hyung."

**_(Did I do anything wrong? Did I messed up again?)_ **

"Aish, Kookie... I told you this was nothing really serious. Also, I'm bothered only because I was supposed to be _elsewhere_ by now, **_(and yes, I know that I'm lying, because all I ever want is to be with you.)_** yet here I am-"

" ** _It's 05:00p.m, hyung._** Who do you think you're kidding? When you leave this early, I know you'll either just spend the rest of your time chilling on one of your favorite cozy cafés and scroll thru your phone while you read one of your favorite fics or something, or— you'll go straight home, straight to bed without washing up, and you'd end waking up real late at night, and then you'd call me and I'd just **_(adoringly)_** listen to you grumble about every single thing — about stinking, about how you didn't even manage to take your socks off before becoming one with the bed, about y--"

"Jungkook, stooop! _Jeezuz..._ you didn't have to tell me all that — I knooow."

"Finally, now we're talking. So now, go aheeead and ask me, Jimin-hyung."

"I- I, uh... just kind of... wanted to know. Why'd you pushed me earlier?"

"Earlier-- oh, y-you meant earlier... oncam? I'm so, so sorry, hyung. I know I pushed you off too hard and it hurt your back, and I'm so-"

"It's fine, Kookie."

"What? No, hyung, it's not _**(it really isn't)**_ and that's why I'm–"

"I said it's fine, don't sweat it too much. I'm _not_ mad at you, sheesh. **_(You know how I can never stay mad at you.)_**

Just wanted to know... _why._ "

"I... honestly, I– I didn't know. I wasn't thinking, so I guess it was just my instinct wanting to... to--"

**_(wanting to escape for a bit so you won't find out about the way my heart was pounding so loud against my chest when you almost had me under you, wanted to run away from everything and everyone right there, wanted to breathe—)_ **

"Oh, yeah... right...

Right. You just _wanted to._ Haha, of course, how do I always forget about this.

**_(You always say you just wanted to, but...)_ **

I know, I kind of made you really uncomfortable with that — hugs and all — _sorry, Kook._ H-hyung's sorry."

_**(...was this really what you've always meant, too?)** _

"What are you talking about, hyung? That's totally not-"

"Anyways, I'm really leaving now, Kookie. Uh, thanks for answering... and I'm really _sorry._ Have fun, and take care on your way home later, alright? Bye!"

* * *

"Hey, the practice's already finished. Are you two sure you're staying up all night here?"

"Yes, Joonie-hyung. We- _**I**_ can manage. I feel like I still have a lot of polishing to do for our choreo, anyway."

"Huh... but my Jiminie's already working so hard, though..."

"Yah, Yoongi-ah! Jungkookie is working just as hard, too!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know for sure, what are you so mad for. 'Was going to mention that but thanks to you, _Seokjinie_ -hyung, for butting in. Really."

" **YAH—** "

" _So_ _,_ we'll be leaving you two now... don't overwork yourselves too much, okay? Also, I heard there's some kind of typhoon coming in Seoul later this evening, so please, be extra careful and not to catch a cold on your way home, understood? Our health is always important to be taken care of."

"Yes, Rapmon-hyung. We will. Thank you guys, be safe. Bye~"

"Bye, hyungs.  
Okay... where was I earlier. Ah, right- oh wait. No, I think my left foot should be just right... here. This angle. Then, ppam, ppam, ppam, ppam, switch. Right arm to left–"

"“ _Yes, hyung, 'I' can manage”_ , my ass..."

" _Excuse me?_ "

"Huh? Nothing."

"What 'nothing'? You know I heard you."

"What are you talking about, Jimin–"

"Are you messing with me again? What does the Jeon Jungkook want from me this time? Huh?"

"Hyung, I'm just joking. I just... didn't liked the way you said _you_ could manage, instead of **_we._** You could've just said ‘we’, and.. that's not supposed to mean something, right, hyung?"

"Psh. 'Dunno. I mean, if you didn't liked the way it sound, then maybe there _is_ something."

"Hyung, are you... you're not really mad at me right now, aren't you? I mean, what could go wrong? I-"

"‘ _-didn't do anything’, ‘I was just kidding’, ‘guess I just wanted to’, ‘sulk over small stuff’,_ yeah, I know. 'Heard it all. What else, _Jungkook_? 'List could literally go on, y'wanna hear more? Because, Jungkook…

**I don't.**

**_I'm tired._** More than you'll ever realize, I'm... so _tired._ "

"J-Jimin-hyung... I... I'm s-"

"‘ _-I'm sorry’, ‘you know I didn't mean to’, ‘that's not what I meant’, ‘please hyung, please don't leave, I didn't know’._ Jungkook, you see... no, haha, no. Actually, you don't see this. Tell me, Jungkook, will you even? Ever?"

"Hyung–"

"Jungkook... One day you're walking up on me, all smiles while you pepper me with your praises, sweet notings, playful hugs, sudden advances, and it makes me feel like it could finally be a start of something nice, something beautiful, something I'd really love to treasure... 

only for me to realize that I'm a pure shit for even daring to hope or assume about something. About _anything_ at all.

And then, the next day comes and I have no idea which Jungkook I am going to deal with so I'm not prepared when I get dejected. When you'd push me away too fucking much everytime I'd try to do the same to you **_(to show my love for you.)_**. _Every single fucking time,_ Jungkook, it's so fucking unbelievable I've already lost count. It's all so frustrating and confusing and heartbreaking. You have any idea how I'm so close to losing my mind?

A lot of times I'd quietly ask myself, “Why do I have to go through this?” _Why_ do you do this? Do you hate me that much?

Yet... even so, here I am, 'can't even bring myself to ask what is wrong with you, or just what the hell's really going on in your mind because maybe, maybe it was me who's really been in the wrong ever since. Wait, you know what? No, _not_ 'maybe', _fuck that._ It's been years by now, everything's _so_ clear to me; I'm pretty sure of all this by now.

Everytime I'd ask you if you have even just a bit of liking for me and how you 'd blatantly say no to all of them, how you rank me last, how you'd always choose to hang out anytime with anyone but me. Yeah, everything's so, _so_ fucking clear in my head, it ** _hurts_**. It hurts... so much, Jungkook, _so much_.

But do you know what hurts more?

It's the way you just somehow managed all the years through all this like everything was a joke. Like you were always putting on a game with me when the cameras are around. Like all of this was pure nothing to you. Like I haven't been risking and trying to cross this...this stupid fucking line you put between us.  
And even if I know I _am_ stupid, even if I knew that you really meant every single thing you've ever said to me, even if I had been expecting long ago that we'd be ending up in this fucking scenario right in front of us now, I'd still...

_I would still love you just as hard._

You know I would, Jungkook. Shit, _you know I would_... you know how I always _would._ But now, I...

I just can't anymore.

I have to... I have to stop this pointless illusion.

I can't continue this with you any longer."

"Jimin-hyung... wait, p-please just- please listen to me just this once, hyung, _please_. I'm s-"

" _I'm sorry, too,_ Kookie... I really am. I'm sorry if I always had you either pissed or uncomfortable, or maybe even both whenever I pester you oncam or offcam. I'm sorry if I'd always try to... to hold your hands, sit beside you or be with you whenever I could, or hug you, or tell you ‘I love you, Jungkookie’ upfront just because I want to. I'm sorry if... if I was way too fucking honest with you and meant everything I've said and done to you ever since we've met. I'm sorry for this... for everything."

"Hyung, w-where are you going? P-lease, Jimin-hyung, please don't.. please..."

**_(Please don't leave me again.)_ **

"Don't look at me like that... Whatever.

You know what? **Do whatever you want.** I'm sick of your games, Jungkook. I won't give a crap about you anymore. You're on your own.

**_(I'm sick of seeing myself leaving here, yet again, disheartened, like the loser I always fucking am.)_ **

Go continue practicing here, go pretend this conversation didn't happen at some point of your life; I'm _done_ caring. I'm- don't touch me. Let me- stop it, Kook.. please... let go of me. Let me... 

_let me go,_ Jungkook.

You know how this won't work for us, either way. So, I...

I'm leaving."

"B-but Jimin-hyung, y-you _don't_ even have to–"

"Don't follow me. Don't call my cell. Stay here, anywhere but around me. Stop pretending that you actually care for me when, in truth, you really don't, and– like what I've said to you, ever since day fucking one:

do whatever you want."

* * *

_**Can't you see me in your eyes anymore...?** _  
_**Love is so painful, yeah,** _  
_**Goodbyes, even more so;** _  
_**I can't go on if...** _

*incoming call: It's Your Kkyu 🐰🐾💘*

**_(Don't answer him. Hang up. Don't pick your phone up. Ignore him.)_ **

_**...you aren't here with me** _  
_**Love me, love me, come back into—** _

*incoming call: It's Y-*

"What do you want?"

"H-Hyung-ah... I- I'm so, so sorry, I-"

" **Didn't I tell you not to call me?** "

" _I'm s-sorry, hyung. I'm sorry, I'm s-_ "

"What? Stop crying, I can't understand you. I can't even hear what you're saying— hey, _where_ are you?"

"I- I really am sorry, hyung. Please, I– I didn't mean to, I- Jimin-hyung, _p-please_ —"

" _Jungkook_ , tell me where exactly you are right now. I'm coming to you."

"Hyung, I... I-I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am, hyung... c-could you take a taxi...?"

"Jeez, this kid... Stay there and wait for me. And don't do anything stupid.

I'm picking you up."

* * *

**I.**

| "Good evening, sir- **_oh my holy lord what---_ **_Park Jimin?_ Of BTS?! _Am I in heaven?!_ Oh my jeezuz I cannot believe this. I must be in heaven. Where are we headed for today, angel?" |

"I... I don't know. Could you just... drive towards that direction, please. And please just slow down. I need to— I'm looking for _someone._ "

| "Guaranteed, Mr. Park!" |

"Thank you... you don't have to be so formal, though, hyungnim. Just 'Jimin'."

| "Oh. Oh, okay, Jiminie. You can call me Tata." |

"Nice to meet you, Tata."

| "May I just ask, though, Jiminie... is there something wrong? I mean, is this something serious? |

_**("No," not really, but then I'd know that's a big fucking lie because yes, this is serious... for me, at least. This is all that ever mattered to me. It's just that I... I don't know about him, though.** _

_**For sure this isn't.)** _

"Yes, I... _we_ \- me and my friend, we... I'm just looking out for him. That's all."

| "Oh, a _friend!_ I thought there was something going on between your group. I was wor– |

**_(What the... shit, is that- What the hell is he fucking out there for?!)_ **

"Stop the car right now!"

| " **\--OH, BTS NUMBER ONE ON BILLBOARD HOT100—!** SIR- I MEAN, JIMINIE! _WHY?! WHAT IS IT?!?_ |

"I saw him! I-I'm going after my friend, I think I saw him at the alley right over there, I– C-can you wait here? 'Promise, I'll be quick, I'll just go pick him up and we'll be back right away. I'll pay you extra later."

| "Sure thing, sir, I can wait. And no, Jiminie, please, it's fine, don't think about the fare. Think about your _friendship_ more, and— go now, please! I'll be waiting for you guys back here.~" |

* * *

**II.**

"Jungkook-ah!"

"H-hyung-"

" _What the fuck do you think you're doing here, huh?!_ Out here, in the damn _rain?!_ "

"I... I..."

" **Aish,** this kid– Save that for later! There's a taxi waiting for us out there, come on."

* * *

**III.**

_**You're like a butterfly,** _  
_**I steal glances — if we touched hands, would I lose you?** _  
_**Youshine in this pitch black darkness, that is the butterfly effect** _  
_**Your light touches; I forget this reality at once—** _

"J... Jimin-hyung-"  
" _Don't._ "

_**It's like a wind that strokes me, gently,** _  
_**It's like a dust that swifts along, gently;** _  
_**You're there but for some reason, I can't reach you, stop—** _  
_**You're like a butterfly high dream for me** _  
_**Untrue, untrue... you, you you—** _

"Where are we headed now?"

_**Will you stay by my side?** _  
_**Will you promise me?** _  
_**If I let go of your hand, I know you'll fly and break** _  
_**I'm scared, scared, scared of that—** _

"H-"  
"Jungkook..."

_**Will you stop time if this moment passes,** _

_**as though it didn't happened?** _

_**I'm scared, scared, scared...** _

"...you're coming to my place."

* * *

**IV.**

| "Ehem... A-aaand, we've arrived! Hope you two enjoyed my ride, and please — kindly don't forget to give me a rating! Here is my profile." |

"Thank you, Tata. Oh, as I've promised earlier, here–"

| "Noooo, please, Jiminie, no. Please– don't think about it too much. I knew you just did what you _have_ to do back there. |

"Uh... well... if you insist then... thanks again, so much. Be safe on the road, Tata. I- _We'll_ be going now. Thank you."

| "And one thing, Jiminie...?

Whatever it is, it's going to be fine soon, so you don't have to worry.

I'll be off now, too. Bye bye!!~" |

🌕

"So?"

"Come on, hyung, c-can we please at least sit down, first-"

" _You_ can sit. I don't want to."

"Pff... then I'm not sitting, too, then."

"Look, Jungkook. I didn't bring you here for you to fuck around or what, and— look at you, you're clothes are freaking soaking wet. Ugh, it's dripping on my floor--

what are you staring at? Go clean yourself up. Here, you can use this. It's the only clothes I have here that I think w—"

" _ **Jimin.**_ "

"What-- _w-what are you doing...?_ Jungkook, your goddamn clothes are- g-get off _m—_ "

"No, hyung."

"Jungkook, I said--"

" _I don't want to!_ Fuck, I don't fucking want to! Stop pushing me away. I'm not going anywhere, J-Jimin-hyung... I– I'm not going to let you- _go_ a-and fucking _leave_ me _again_ , I-"

"Hush... Kook, calm down... sheesh... this is my place, anyway, why would I leave? Jeez... would you please stop crying... I'm sorry, okay? I–"

" _No,_ hyung... _I_ should be the one who's sorry..."

"Jungk—"

"Jimin... right now, you're not going to talk... you're going to listen to me, okay? And yes— you're going to listen to every word I'll say hereafter, and I'm going to mean _every. single. thing._ And– we're going to sit now, and you're going to sit. and _stay. here. With me._  
Now, hyung...

When you so dangerously shook my heart and got my straight head buzzing the moment you first walked in the studio and the hyungs formally introduced you to me, when I saw how your eyes greeted me with the most beautiful crescents my straight eyes have ever witnessed in their entire life, when I saw how you so blissfully smiled towards me as you reached out for me and we held hands, I... I was _scared._

The day when you said you were bored with your day-off and decided to look up for me but accidentally walked in the studio that day and saw me rapping, I was happy... I mean, it felt so happy to know that you actually went to look for _me_ and not someone else... but when we ended up with you holding my hands while you comforted me with your words, when you told me to ' _do the things I want to do_ ' and convinced my unsure self to go after my passion, when you made all of the doubt and insecurities within my heart vanish in an instant and you so easily replaced with yourself in it instead,

_I was scared._

When I ranked you last among the good-looking members, I was scared — so, so scared to admit that it was really the other way around. I wanted to rank you first, I wanted to always rank you first, among other things so bad, Jimin, so bad— if only you knew how much I wanted to, but... I don't know, something in me was so scared of it all, it gave me no choice but to be acting fucking dumb. It hurt me a lot because I was too much of a coward that I can't even face my own feelings, but I knew it hurt you more when I did those, so when I saw you sulking over the horrible thing that I've said and done and came to you like the kind energy-boosting fairy that you said I was tryna be, I was trying to tell you that I never wanted to do it, that I was so, so sorry, and that I didn't know how else I could make it up for you but to cheer you up but then you _left_ and... and I don't blame you, though, I would never, because you had every fucking right to do so... and it made me feel so pathetic.

The day when I pushed you too hard and confronted me why I did that, I was so scared, not only because I knew that it physically hurt you, but I also saw what it did to your heart, and I kept telling myself that I didn't knew how to react then but in all fucking honesty, I knew I didn't even had to push you away, you–

you have no idea how much I wanted to just let myself melt underneathe your touch right then and there but I was too _afraid_ to show it... I was so, _so_ fucking scared, hyung. I remember you cut me off that time and left me again...

I was left feeling hopeless.

And then it happened, after we were left by the hyungs that night, w-when we fought at the studio.

When I heard it all from you, when I heard about everything— about all the dreadful things I've caused you, how it made you think and feel horrible about yourself... fuck, Jimin, it- it fucking hurt, _everything_ – everything that happened that lead us to where we were that night, to where we are right at this moment, was all because of me, Jimin-hyung. I... _I'm so sorry._

I don't know if you could even forgive me, or even think of forgiving me after what I did, after everything that _I've_ did, but please- please, Jimin, I swear on my life, I swear– I never meant to do any of those things to you, and I never, _never_ ever wanted to. Please, hyung, you have got to believe in me this time. I... since day one, since day fucking one, Jimin, I knew I was sure about how I felt for you, but because I was too scared from literally everything around us — our career, the fans, myself--

I doubted myself most of the time.  
I didn't wanted to know if I could handle the risk, if I could continue to hide what I truly feel, if I could handle... _rejection._ Especially if it came right from you, hyung. I was so terrified. I made myself believe that I was left with no other option than to run away from what I felt, but now I realize that everything I did was so, so fucking wrong, wherever you loook at it, I— I'm so sorry it took me years to get this entire thing off my chest, to be able to confide this to you. And...

hyung, w...

 _why are you laughing--?_ "

"Oh, sorry— sorry for interrupting you, Kookie... it's nothing. Really. I just... kind of realized.

**_We..._ **are both fucking _stupid._ "

"Well, yeah, you can say that... but— hyung, d-does this mean I–"

"--oh, and by the way..."

"W-what–?"

"...all you had to do was to _not_ break the hug and kiss me back there, you know? Watching you like this... ugh. _Why do you always have to break my poor heart, Kkyu?_ I had to sit here and listen to you while you cry your heart out and it took almost, like, forever. God, my ass friggin' hurt now that I mention it---"

"...uhm, w-was that... _was that enough for you, hyung?_ "

"Hmm... let me think... no, to be honest... no. Not really— ow, hahaha, what? I was just kidding-"

" _Park Jimin..._

_I... love..._

_you._ "

"Just... _me._ "

"Yes, _just you._ "

"And... no one else?"

"Only a Park Jimin-ssi can turn the Golden Maknae into a puddle of mess and make him confess all his years of pining in just one sitting."

"You're so crazy, you know?"

" _Only for Park Jimi—_ "

"Ugh, stop _that,_ Kkyu."

"Hehe. I'm so in love with you, Jimin... it just happened that I'm the worst at telling you that in the way you expect me to. I'm... not good at words."

"...but I can learn _your_ way of telling me that. You don't have to hide anymore. And you know I can't run and stay away from you, either.

I love you, too, Jeon Jungkook...

so much.

 _Just so you know._ "

**∞**

"Even when we still haven't debuted, I take good care of Bangtan, right? I'd always buy you guys some drinks, or ice cream. When the hyungs are having a hard time, I'd even give a listening ear, too, right?"

**< "YES!" >**

" **JEON JUNGKOOOOOOOK!!! _Aaaagh..._** Why do you do this to me... I've always been nice to you. But you- you repay me with this, **_calling me short and ruffling my hair like I'm a kid?!_** I'm your _hyung!!_ I'm two years older than you! I've lived two years ahead of you! _I've eaten two thousand one hundred and thirty rice bowls more than you!_ Aaagh..."

"I like doing those things to you a lot because you're so nice and friendly to me, hyung. I act around you like that because... I like hyung too much."

**_(I love you too much, Jimin.)_ **

" **Jeon Jungkoooook...** "

**_(You have no idea how much I've fallen for you.)_ **

**Author's Note:**

> after five years, i can't believe i'm writing again.
> 
> hi [kimi](http://twitter.com/mikmanjoon94)!! this is for you :) and i wrote this even though you say you rarely read Fics Without Smut *small sad noises*
> 
> oh, and to the anon who submitted the prompt, "come and kiss me and let's forget.", this whole au is not **that** completely irrelevant because there _was_ kissing.. but it's only _implied kissing_ ksjsjjsjs pls forgive me. but they kissed anyway so :[ and kinda forget about what happened. please just squint.
> 
> let's scream and cry over jikook :]  
>  **[twt](http://twitter.com/nagoyaclip)** /[archive](http://twitter.com/bluehside)/[tumblr/edit acc](http://tumblr.com/gcf-busan) or wherever i'm nice ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ


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